3.03.2005

 

Don't ask me why


This post has me critiquing some of the reviews posted on ClicktheCity.com of people who watched Constantine. There's no rationale for this. Its your basic 'having fun at the expense of others kinda thing'. Enjoy!


Anonymous posted "confusing. special effects alone do not make a movie... a waste of time."
My thought: Yo mama's a waste of time.

(Another schmuck named) Anonymous posted: "IM NOT SURE. im not sure if im just really slow or what... i did not get the story at all.... but still worth watching
My thought: How can you deem something worth watching when you don'tget the story at all? Oh wait he must've referring to the sitcoms on local tv."

(Again, another schmuck named) Anonymous posted "Still he is the 'ONE'. I love the movie it freaks me out!!!"
My thought: "Ma'am, you're just freaked cause like Constatine you know where you're going. To hell Beeyotch!"

flor posted "love it! yeba! Ü. i hear the keanu didnt really fit the comic book version but i dont care...he played it rather well, i believe...the plot had some unexplainable but forgiveable logic holes (why the hell did he live after lucifer got his lung dirt? didnt he die from slashing his wrist? hmmmmm....) all in all, the movie was an eye candy (both in FX and cz of hunky keanu...dont care if he's really gay..hehe).. i wont mind watchin it over and over...like matrix...i wonder when the original dvd will come out?Ü"
My thought: Here's flor. She sounds nice enough. Wonders when the original DVD will come out. Ha! Like she's really gonna buy the original DVD. Five will get you ten she's already got a pirated ersion of the DVD.

samurai fan posted "just cool. we all like to compare movies with other movies don't we? well, i guess it can't be helped in this movie since it does remind us a lot of previous movies like the prophecy, exorcist, etc. anyway, the concept is cool but not great since i've already seen the prophecy. Nice effects though, and the actor who portrayed satan is simply cool... ... overall, i would still recommend this movie. just don't expect much from it."
My thought: is samurai fan the only dumbass who's reminded of the prophecy and exorcist by this movie? Yeah, I thought so.

jopethus posted "We want Morpheus!!! A "good" movie. Yup, Kevin Bacon would have been a better choice, though that would have made the movie an 'art film" to be watched only by the people who read the graphic novels. when do we get to see the Sandman? I hope they make a movie soon. (I want this to happen so bad, I'd even agree to having Keanue Reeves play him. Hehehe)
My thought: jopethus the Morpheus bitch. Admit it, you just wanna see Kevin Bacon's penis and imagine yourself sucking on it on screen. And the 'Hehehe', who even does that anymore?

earlnoli@yahoo.com posted "mediocre. maybe i just expect good movies from keanu reaves... its just the movie just started well, maybe sort of nice climax but a lousy ending. plot is so promising but falls short of sense. maybe if the movie was a little bit longer, some time needs to be injected to introduce the characters better."
My thought: 50 pesos says earlnoli@yahoo.com wanted to say 'promising' in his movie review to sound interesting.

bigben posted: "beaten around the BUSH! The blood-coughing superhero slash bad guy slash exorcist slash savior slash only human should not be the main focus here.. Suprisingly Balthazar never got any praises.. He was played by Bush frontman GAVIN ROSSDALE, for crying out loud, let's give 5 stars just for Gavin's performance here! The Swallowed, Machinehead, Glycerine composer scores big in this flick! One more worthy of praise is Peter Stormare as Lucifer, he was born for this role. Good movie, 5 stars..."
My thoughts: Ahahaha! I'm gonna like this. So what if Gavin Rossadale is the Frontman for Bush. So what if he wrote Glycerin and Machinehead. That don't make the man a full fledge fucker of an actor. You even comparing his talents to any actor? "Oooh look at me. I just saw a movie with a musician acting in it. I gotta say good stuff about him cause its different from what I've seen recently and that makes it cool in my simple mind." Asshole. "For Crying out loud!"? What are you? Middle aged. Oh wait even better. You must be a 'Konyo'. It doesnt sound right but it fits don't it?

Anonymous posted "HO-HUM. MOST PEOPLE JUST GOT BLOWN AWAY BY THE SPECIAL EFFECTS OF THE MOVIE. STORY-WISE, NOTHING MUCH... TOO MUCH INFORMATION, NO DIRECTION AT ALL."
My thought: HO-HUM. WHO CARES WHAT SOME ANONYMOUS SHIT-EATER THINKS. YOU GOT A NAME DON'T YOU, COCKSUCKER?

RjR posted "Remember this when you watch the movie: Basically, Constantine's obviously been influenced by previous hit-movies such as the ff:
- Lord of the Rings: the "soldier devils" look very similar to Gollum...except for the lack of a cranium
- Scooby Doo, Spooky Island: again, the demons of Constantine resemble the demons of Scooby Doo
- Matrix: Keanu Reeves. Suit. Super 'powers'. Need I say more?
- Exorcist: d-uh
There are more, but I'll just keep it to that.
My thought: Influenced my ass. You're just to lazy to actually watch the movie rather than look for similarities in other movies even a baby would see.

jefferson ng posted "CONSTANTINE. exellent movie."
My thought: jefferson ng. can't be bothered to say more about the movie as well as finish his last name.

Jay posted "Jay. When all is said and done... the good outweights the bad. One must be able to read between the lines to appreciate the movie fully. The Mensa types know what i mean."
My thought: You don't gotta be a Mensa man to appreciate the movie. Do you really gotta be smart to just plain watch a movie. Relax dude. Turn off your brain. If you wanna read between the lines read the lines between my fingers.

(optional) posted "this is not a comic book..."
My thought: you're kidding me. Its not? I thought my backwards retard mind couldn't not distinguish a comic book and a comic book movie. I might have to go back to grade 1 just to be sure I learned my fractions correct like. Jackass!
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